The 50+Best Funny Quotes that will Make you Smile

Last Updated on Jul 10, 2018

It is scientifically proven that the act of smiling is beneficial for our health.
Even if our smile is forced, the simple gesture of a smile produces benefits such as improving our immunological system, relaxing our mind or improving relationships with others.

Do not miss this collection of funny quotes from witty people that will take a smile out of your lips and make you feel healthier.

Last Updated on Jul 10, 2018

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. -Linda Grayson

I like to hang out with people who make me forget to look at my phone

If you believe everything you read, better not read. -Japanese proverb

In the first place God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. -Mark Twain

Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach flunked geography. -Robert Byrne

True friendship is when you walk into their house and your wifi connects automatically.

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are. – Will Ferrel

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I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day. –Gene Perret

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. -Unkwnon

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family. -Chelsea Handler

Normally writers do not talk much because they are saving their conversations for the readers of their books, those invisible listeners with whom we wish to strike a sympathetic chord. – Ruskin Bond

Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think in a deeper voice. -Bill Cosby

Never miss a good chance to shut up. -Will Rogers

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? -Groucho Marx

You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us. -Robert Louis Stevenson

Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away. – Unknown

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? -Jerry Seinfeld

Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl’s best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. -Cathy Guisewite

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places. -Unknown

You pray for rain, you gotta deal with the mud too. That’s a part of it. -Denzel Washington

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Never trust a skinny cook. -Iain Hewitson

A friend Is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. -Bernard Meltzer

When you are courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. -Albert Einstein

A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright. -Lucille Ball

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? – Albert Einstein

If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience. -Woodrow Wilson

All sorrows are less with bread. -Miguel de Cervantes (Don Quixote)

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, and most fools do. – Dale Carnegie

The most important thing we learn at school is the fact that the most important things can’t be learned at school. -Haruki Murakami

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. -Sacha Guitry

Maybe if literature was prohibited the same way as cocaine, people out of pure curiosity would try to get a couple of lines. -Alejandro Jodorowsky

I may be drunk, miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. -Winston Churchill

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

Working people have a lot of bad habits, but the worst of these is work. -Clarence Darrow

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg. -Samuel Butler

The difference between genius and insanity is that genius has its limits. -Albert Einstein

When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. -R.C. Sheriff

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. -Groucho Marx

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don’t believe the kids should be given homework. -Bill Cosby

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day and another, in case it doesn’t rain. -Mae West

I said school starts tomorrow. I didn’t say I was going to be there. -Kim Harrison

In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him -Derek Bruce

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. – Woody Allen

Don’t simply retire from something, have something to retire to. -Harry Emerson Fosdick

A woman can make any man a millionaire if he is a billionaire. -Charles Chaplin.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I’ll never speak to you again. -Stan Laurel

If you must make a noise, make it quietly. -Oliver Hardy

Spring is nature’s way of saying, “Let’s party!” -Robin Williams

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